i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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