can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
