First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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