Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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