why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
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Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
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I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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