i don't like sucking hair
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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