This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
