Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
