I wannas sexs uuuuu
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
