and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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