dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
