my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Randomize
