Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
