You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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