i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
