In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
