We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
