Come see our sink grown plant.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
What changed your mind?
Being sober
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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