He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
