Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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