Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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