What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
