i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
