Nicole vs. Life
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
The beer is more important than you right now.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
