Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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