So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
