Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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