I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
