I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
