This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
