I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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