I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
