I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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