My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Even the bartender felt bad for me
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That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
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The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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