Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
