omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize
