don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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