how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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