my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
