I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
