Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
