glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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