Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
