I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
