Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
