accomplished twins. life is a go
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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