remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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