Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
