he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
