His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I wear drunk well.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
