Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
