I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
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I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
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I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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