Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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