new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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