the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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