Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
