So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
