i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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