The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
