Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
is wine microwaveable?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
