it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
