He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
