Im at strip club and am horny
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
