I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
