The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
