cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
