You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I look better un-naked...
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
