I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
