He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize