So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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