They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
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he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
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Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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