I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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